Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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