Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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