I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
