Ambien. No doubt about it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
