maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
