The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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