I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
