Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
