i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
