He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
