I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
