You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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