Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize