I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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