she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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