Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
