1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
