if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
