He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
