your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
