I just threw up on my dentist
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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