you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
