i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
