dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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