if only i could text you this smell
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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