I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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