Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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