I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
