I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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