Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
