you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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