my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
