Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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