You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
