I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
