Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
