Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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