Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize