Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
