I want to have your abortion
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
