i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
