I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
