You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize