I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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