That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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