Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
