I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
