I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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