wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
