she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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