I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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