..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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