After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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