I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
