cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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