He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
