You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
