Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
