if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
