he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
