Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
