she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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