so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am one with the molecules
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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