I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize