I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
