worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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