Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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