Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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