During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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