yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
