My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
