doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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