my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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