you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
