I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize