why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
