oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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