Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
